If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
