Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
