drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
