Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
