The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
