Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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