i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
