I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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