Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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