dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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