Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
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Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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