He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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