so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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