He disabled his match.com account in front of me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
