Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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