can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
