i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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