My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize