take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
