garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
