What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
