i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
