maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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