Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
