I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she smelled like a LAN party
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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