U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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