It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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