Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
