I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
