hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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