Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
