I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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