you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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