I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
is wine microwaveable?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
