we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
