Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
