I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
