I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
