worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
