You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
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my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
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You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.