trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.