Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.