please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run