Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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