he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
