i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
