Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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