You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
