I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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