Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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