Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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