i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
