im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
