i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
