i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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