Is it because I queefed?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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