I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
