Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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