so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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