I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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