Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
