Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
