I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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