so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
