is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
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My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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