Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.