I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.