how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him