you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
