Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
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Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
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I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave