We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica