Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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